Toxic Marriage & Dating Myths that Plague Young People Today
Married people are happier, dating apps are awful, politics aren't everything, children from two parent households tend to do better, and admirable men have a major dating advantage.
Hello Bar-setters!
Valentine’s Day spurred a flurry of great content on the state of dating. In particular, there has been a lot of fascinating research showing that married people are happier and better off financially.
It’s important that we set the record straight on these issues, because younger generations have inherited toxic beliefs about marriage and dating. These ideas have had some bizarre and troubling effects…
Different Political Parties for Different Genders?
We’re seeing a large political ideology gap between men and women.
These political trends are especially troublesome in light of research that people are becoming less likely to date those whose politics differ from their own. According to Robert K. Henderson:
Sixty-five percent of Democrats and 62 percent of Republicans say they would be less likely to date someone of the opposing political party.
As Richard Reeves said in a fantastic response to the growing ideology gap:
…I’m not equating left or right with good or bad. I’m saying that such a big political divide within one generation, especially a generation that is very political, is not likely to be good news…
…We really don’t want a Women’s Party and a Men’s Party. Men and women have to work together, learn together, form families and raise children together. We have to rise together.
Too many young men and women have been led to believe the opposite:
…that the success of one sex can only come at the expense of the other…
… that men and women do not need each other…
… that marriage is an unnatural and outdated institution…
… and that having kids is for the birds.
I’ve argued against these fallacies a couple of times:
Married People Are Happier
According to the recent American Perspectives Survey, younger generations, in particular, are marrying later and marrying less frequently.
But, as Rob Henderson explains, this is to the detriment of younger generations:
…new research from the University of Chicago found that marriage is “the most important differentiator” of who is happy in America, and that falling marriage rates are a chief reason why happiness has declined nationally. The study revealed a stunning 30 percentage point happiness gap between married and unmarried Americans. As the American Perspectives Survey report notes, “No social change has altered the fabric of American life so profoundly as the decline of marriage.
Marriage is the most important differentiator of who is happy in America. This is confirmed by Brad Wilcox, author of the new book, Get Married, who reports that:
Women ages 18–55 who are married are almost twice as likely to be “very happy” with their lives (37 percent), compared to their single peers (19 percent). Married men ages 18–55 are also more likely to be “very happy” (34 percent) than their peers who are not married (13 percent). Meanwhile, 23 percent of unmarried women ages 18–55 say they are “not too happy” with their lives, compared to 13 percent of married women…
…marriage is a better predictor of happiness than education, work, money, frequent sex, or regular religious attendance. And despite what Pearl Davis claims, most marriages don’t end in divorce. Only about 40 percent do.
In addition to the personal benefits of marriage, it is time we begin to recognize the vital societal function that marriage serves in bringing up the next generation.
Children from two parent homes are less likely to live in poverty, less likely to have behavioral issues, more likely to do well in school, and the list goes on. As Bari Weiss put it, having two parents is,“the ultimate privilege.” This isn’t to say that kids from single parent or divorced homes can’t be successful, or that there aren’t reasons that it would be better to separate than to stay with a spouse. But, we need to challenge the popular luxury belief that marriage is unnecessary and outdated.
So, How Does One Find a Good Partner, Nowadays?
The problem is, young people can recognize all of this, but still struggle to find good dating options.
Everyone has their face in a device.
More and more single people won’t date someone with differing political views.
Opportunities for organic connections are shrinking.
And too many guys never become admirable men. Their aspirational instincts are too often subverted by porn, video games, and enabling parents.
The silver lining for males, however, is that if you can transcend these pitfalls, you have a major advantage. As Rob Henderson put it in his advice for finding love:
Take care of your health, fitness, and personal hygiene. It sounds obvious. But a surprisingly large segment of the population—especially the male side—is now run down by drugs, obesity, and other effects of a permissive physical life. Ignore Instagram and observe what real people look like now. All you have to do is exercise regularly, get a decent haircut, and wear clothes that fit to enter the top 10 percent of physical attractiveness.
All that and much more in this great collection of posts from The Free Press:
Most of these problems are rooted in our failure to adapt well to modern technology. Supernormal technologies have allowed terrible myths about relationships to proliferate. More still, these technologies have promoted political polarization, degraded the quality of our young men, stymied the development of social skills among young people, and facilitated a toxic app-centered dating environment.
For more on these challenges and how we should respond, check out these past posts:
Thank you for reading and sharing!
Carry the fire!
Shane