Tell Kids No, For Their Sake
A battlecry against entitlement.
Hello, Bar-setters!
Weeks back, I argued that scraping by is one of the most valuable lessons a kid can learn—likely more important than anything they’ll be taught in school.
Most of that argument focused on how these experiences forge grit and ingenuity. But I left out one of the most important benefits: Learning to scrape by keeps entitlement at bay.
And entitlement is among life’s greatest curses.
Unfortunately, our modern parenting paradigm is a formula for creating entitlement…
Appeasing Little Tyrants
There’s a growing tendency among modern parents to never tell their kids no. You’ve seen it, too.
The child who sleeps in their parents’ bed, falling asleep to their favorite show every night...
Who asks for snacks every hour but won’t eat the same dinner as their parents...
Who doesn’t drink “plain water”...
Who gets a stern talking-to after every tantrum—before Mom caves and gives him most of what he wanted.
We’re not raising kids—we’re appeasing tiny tyrants. And we’re doing it in the name of “kindness.”
The Root of Unhealthy Norms
This failure to say no is at the root of so many destructive norms we now take for granted. It’s how we’ve ended up in a world where:
Cafeterias serve ice cream to kindergartners
“My kid doesn’t eat vegetables” is considered normal
10-year-olds have smartphones and TVs in their bedrooms
When “no” disappears from parenting, so does guidance. And without guidance, kids begin to practice destructive habits long before they’re old enough to choose better ones.
Worse yet, as this parenting style spreads, the pressure mounts for other parents to give in. Eventually, today’s indulged child becomes tomorrow’s indulging parent.
Of course you can have Pop-Tarts for breakfast.
Of course you can have a TV in your room.
That’s just what we do.
But the consequences go far beyond bad eating habits or screen addictions.
Great Expectations, Great Disappointments
“A man is rich in proportion to the things he can afford to let alone.”
—Henry David Thoreau
As the above quote suggests, the less you need (or believe you need) to be happy, the happier you’ll actually be. But the inverse is also true.
When you think you need constant comfort, you’ll find life uncomfortably harsh.
When you think you need endless entertainment, you’ll find life intolerably dull—and lack the will to become anything greater.
When you think you deserve giant snack bags, trophies, and awards for every activity, you’ll be constantly disappointed—and never learn that the doing itself is what gives life meaning.
When you think you should be able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, you’ll avoid the commitments that unlock real purpose and connection.
When you expect others to always speak to you just right… to treat you like you’re special… to adapt to your every mood and desire… you’ll be overly sensitive, frequently offended, and likely short on friends.
When you think you need the fanciest wedding, the perfect outfit, and a weeklong birthday celebration, you’ll live your life in a state of subtle—but constant—disappointment.
Eventually, the world will teach you the lesson your parents didn’t: The world does not revolve around you. You are not cosmically special.
And here’s the bigger point:
The more you think you need life to be a certain way in order to be happy, the less happy you are likely to be.
Say No, Because You Love Them
It may feel kind to give your child everything. But the more kids expect, the more they resent what they don’t have.
Kids who have been allowed to believe they need a lot to be happy will either feel they have to work like crazy to sustain the life they expect, or live in debt—or worse, live bitter that life hasn’t given them what they were told was normal.
Saying no isn’t about being mean. It’s about being a parent.
It’s about preparing your child for the real world—the one where jobs are hard, relationships are messy, and no one hands out trophies just for showing up.
So let’s commit to telling kids no—not to be mean, but because we love them.
Let’s tell them no—so they’re free to say yes to the things that truly matter.
Thank you for reading and sharing!
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Shane