Social Fitness: How & Why to Train It

Just as sedentary lifestyles necessitated physical fitness regiments, we must begin to intentionally improve our social fitness. Here is how to start.

Hello Bar-setters!

On Tuesday, I looked at why “fitness” was invented—and how new technologies are forcing us to rethink what it means to be fit in the modern world.

The New Demands of Fitness

Today, I want to highlight another essential arena of fitness—one we must not only train ourselves to build, but intentionally teach our kids to cultivate: social fitness.

Social Fitness

In a series of powerful Atlantic articles, Derek Thompson explored the dramatic decline of American social life in the smartphone era.

Graph from Thompson’s The Anti-Social Century.

But Thompson argues that this so-called “loneliness epidemic” isn’t exactly what we think. In fact, self-reported loneliness is not going up. People are choosing not to engage in social activity as much because they feel socially drained. They feel socially drained—not because they’ve been out connecting with others, but because they’ve been consuming social content on their screens.

As Thompson puts it:

If loneliness is an instinct to be around people, I would argue that [the] kind of social isolation that we're seeing is the opposite of loneliness, choosing to be alone. We're choosing to spend more and more time with ourselves, more and more time, year after year, without feeling that special, important biological cue to be around other people. And that, I think, is something to be quite worried about.

Just as junk food gives us calories without nutrients, we’re now engulfed in technologies that give us social stimulation without real connection.

His solution? We must deliberately train our social fitness.

How to Train Your Social Fitness

How you train should reflect your personality—but here are some solid options:

• Set a standing weekly coffee, breakfast, or lunch plan with core friends.

• Establish a weekly game night with friends.

• Establish a weekly walk or pickleball game with friends.

• Join a community. Join a gym. Join a book club. Join a church. Join a PTA.

• Coach your kids’ sports teams.

• Join a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu gym or a fitness community like F3.

Schedule it Now

As you plan to incorporate more social fitness habits, remember that it parallels physical fitness in many ways. It can be hard to start a workout, but you will feel better all day afterward.

In fact, a review of 100+ meta-analyses found that:

Physical activity is 1.5 times more effective at reducing mild-to-moderate symptoms of depression, psychological stress, and anxiety than medication or cognitive behavior therapy.

The same principle applies to social engagement:
Face-to-face connection is the foundation of mental health, belonging, and resilience.

It’s the only way to build real relationships, develop social virtues like patience and empathy, and model community for your kids.

So don’t just nod and move on.
Pick one thing from the list above. Schedule it. Make it recurring.

Because your example matters.
And your kids are watching.

You are showing your kids how to live.

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Thank you for reading and sharing with anyone who would find this interesting!

If you enjoyed this, check out this podcast:

No, There Isn’t a Loneliness Epidemic (And That May Be an Even Bigger Problem)

And this related post:

Why Parents Need Friends (and why we need to put our own well-being first, sometimes)

Carry the fire!

Shane