Choices that Reveal Character
Risk aversion is killing romance, why it pays to spend less on the wedding ring, and other quick thoughts on relationships, values, and the life well lived.
Hello Bar-Setters,
Today I have a compilation of great content.
But first, I want to share a humbling reflection that I had, recently. I hope it will be as helpful for you as it was for me.
Choices Reveal Character
It is human nature to see yourself in a favorable lens. We are all the main character of our own story. As such, we tend to justify our every choice and every action. And so does everyone else.
The reality is, wanting to be a man or woman of character isn’t the same thing as being one. Who you are isn’t who you wish you were. And it isn’t how you behaved that one time when you felt great and it was easy to do the right thing.
Who you really are is how you behave when life is hard and inconvenient. It is who you are when you have to make choices.
Who you really are is all about how you behave when doing the right thing comes with costs…
…when you are tired and struggling to find the energy to do the right thing…
…when it costs you money…
…when it is easier just to lie…
…when it upsets someone else, or makes you less popular…
…when you really needed to take care of something else right now…
…when you really wanted to do something else…
…when you are scared…
Our character is revealed in those moments where we have to choose between what we know is right and what is convenient, comfortable, or expedient.
If only it was more convenient to do the right thing.
The reality is, if you have clear ideals, you will fail to live up to them, from time to time. The important thing is to be honest when that happens, so that you can learn from those moments. Because, make no mistake, you will be put in a similar situation again. You will have to decide between doing what is right and what is easy.
Moving on…
More Insights on Marriage and Dating
Last Friday, we looked at the Toxic Marriage and Dating Myths that Plague Young People. Some related content that is worth your time:
Excerpt:
Honestly, this kind of thing is everywhere. Social media is full of young women warning each other and listing out red flags and reasons why you should dump him or dodge commitment. He compliments you a lot? Love-bombing. Says I miss you too soon? Run. Approaches you in person? Predator. It’s all so cynical. It’s all about how not to catch feelings; ways not to get attached; how “you’re not gonna get hurt if you have another man waiting”! We blunt romance and passion with this constant calculation of risk, this paranoid scanning for threats, and by holding back to avoid being hurt. We encourage each other to be emotionally absent, unfazed, uncaring. We even call it empowerment! It’s not. It’s neuroticism. I think we are a generation absolutely terrified of getting hurt and doing all we can to avoid it.
Similarly, I found this fascinating insight from Rob Henderson, whose new book Troubled is finally out:
Marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony. Compared with spending $5,000-$10,000 on a wedding, spending less than $1,000 is associated with half the likelihood of divorce.
That reminds me of this nugget of wisdom from James Clear:
The wedding is an event, love is a practice.
The graduation is an event, education is a practice.
The race is an event, fitness is a practice.
The heart, mind, and body are endless pursuits.
We often put all of our focus on events and metrics, rather than the deeper values. I’ve written about this, in regards to education:
Thank you for reading and sharing!
Carry the fire!
Shane