A Lesson From Captain Underpants

The need for goofiness, the tension between adult expectations and our kids' developmental age, and other musings prompted by a visit to my son's school.

Hello, good people! I hope you are doing well!

Last week was my son’s sixth birthday. I surprised him by bringing him lunch and joining him and his friends in the cafeteria. It didn’t take much to get these boys laughing and playing so hard that I was afraid the teachers patrolling the lunch room were going to sign my folder. To their credit, these teachers just smiled and let us have our fun even as they cajoled the rest of the students in the cafeteria to quiet down and clean up.

My son Ace is wonderful, but he’s been getting into a bit of trouble lately. As I arm-wrestled these three silly young boys, it struck me that much of Ace’s perceived impulsiveness, wildness, and absent-mindedness have less to do with his defiance than with his being six.

It is amazing how infrequently Ace gets in trouble when he is allowed to play outside with friends or to explore a camping ground. Put him in the right environment where there is the time and space to allow him to act his age, and he is easy to handle and wonderful to watch!

Young kids are constantly subjected to unrealistic and unnatural expectations. I’m as bad about doing this as anyone else. I don’t fault the teachers who are trying like hell to meet the insane expectations set by their state. I don’t fault parents who are trying to navigate a world where playing outside has been replaced by rushing multiple kids to multiple soccer games, a birthday party every weekend, and the ever-expanding expectations born of social media. I don’t fault anyone. I just hope to prompt you to have a moment of revelation like the one I had last week.

Which brings me to a thought-provoking quote the kids and I came across last week while going through Dav Pilkey’s Captain Underpants and the Revolting Revenge of the Radioactive Robo-Boxers. Here it goes:

Did you ever notice how grown ups hate it when kids are having fun? Seriously, when was the last time you were doing something fun and some adult came over and made you stop?

If you don't believe me, try this experiment: Grab a few of your friends, go into the corner of a room and start goofing around. Make some noise! Start laughing and cheering and maybe shout out a "Woo-hoo!” or two. It's been scientifically proven that 89.4 percent of all grown ups will drop whatever they're doing and rush over to put a stop to whatever “nonsense” you're up to.

You have to wonder, why are most grown-ups like this? Weren't they ever kids themselves? Didn't they enjoy laughing and cheering and goofing around when they were young? If so, when did they stop? And why?

Now, I certainly can't speak for all adults but I'm going to anyway.

I think it's a lot easier for adults to stomp out someone else's fun than it is for them to reflect on their own lives and figure out where it all went so miserably wrong. It's just too depressing for grown-ups to ponder all the decades of compromises, failures, laziness, fear, and regrettable choices that slowly transformed them from running, jumping laughing, fun-loving kids into grumpy complaining, calorie-counting, easily offended, peace-and-quiet-demanding grouches.

In other words, it's harder to look within yourself than it is to shout, "HEY, YOU KIDS. CUT THAT OUT!"

Keeping this in mind, you might not want to smile or laugh while reading this book. And when you get to the Flip-O-Rama parts, I suggest you flip with a bored, disinterested look on your face or some adult will probably take this book away from you and make you read Sarah, Plain and Tall instead.

Don’t say I didn't warn you.

Now, this is not my perception of most modern adults. It almost certainly doesn’t describe you and your parenting style. BUT, it is probably a pretty good insight into how many young kids feel. And when you stop to consider what the contrast between what a six-year-old’s biology expects them to be doing and what we expect of them, it is no wonder. As psychotherapist Adam Lane Smith put it:

The public school system treats boys like defective girls. Then raises girls to act more like boys. Check the CDC’s medication rates for ADHD in boys and anti-depressants in girls.

A good rule of thumb for better mental and physical health is to build your environment and your expectations so that they support your biological human needs. It’s worth taking some time to consider this for yourself and your children.

This week it is Spring Break in my school district and many others around the country. Whether you have time off right now or not, I hope you’ll make a point of goofing around a little bit. We all need a little bit more play and “nonsense” in our lives.

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Thank you for reading today! Please share with any kindred spirits who you think would find value!

Also, if you are digging this vein and if you have boys, I highly recommend checking out this phenomenal podcast interview with Adam Lane Smith.

Carry the Fire!

Shane