Why You Need a Family Motto

The family mottos that breed greatness and how to build your own.

Not long ago, I had the opportunity to sit in a workshop led by Brad McCoy, the father of NFL quarterback and former Texas Longhorn football star Colt McCoy. His other son, Case, also played quarterback for the Longhorns. During his presentation, McCoy talked about a phrase that he found himself repeating every day when he dropped his boys off at school, or anywhere else. The last thing he’d say to his sons as they got out of his truck was: “Do your best. And be a leader.” 

Over time, this saying became their unofficial family motto. The McCoys still use it, in fact. According to McCoy, his sons continue to text him “DYBBAL” at the end of every text conversation.

Do your best and be a leader. This is an especially brilliant little heuristic because it encompasses a ton of direction in a very tight space. It clarifies a clear expectation and suggests an inspiring ideal that your kids are told to strive to embody. On a regular basis, the McCoy boys were being primed to focus on very different goals and behaviors than what most of their peers were primed to focus on.

The McCoys almost certainly did many other things right in parenting their impressive sons. But, make no mistake, this saying left an impression and impacted Colt and Case’s behavior.

The Pattern Repeats

Since hearing about DYBBAL, I’ve found that many of the parents and leaders that I most respect have taken the time to do something similar.

Not long ago, I was having coffee with one of my pastors, Julian Hobdy, and he shared how, years ago, he started telling his kids “Hobdys don’t quit” whenever they found themselves in challenging situations. His daughters now use this motto on themselves. They’ll start telling him about some sort of adversity they’re experiencing and before he can even respond they’ll be saying, “But, Hobdys don’t quit.” The family embraces this motto so much that they now have HDQ hats and shirts. Julian has even been known to dub impressively tenacious people “Honorary Hobdys.”

Another friend of mine recently told me how he prods his sons to face their fears by using the motto, “If you’re gonna be a badass, you’ve got to do badass things.” For his youngest that might be jumping over a puddle or feeding a giraffe at the zoo. For the older one it might be talking to a cute girl or trying to learn to do a backflip. Regardless of their stage or circumstance they hear this heuristic and the ideal it clarifies. 

Mottos like these are powerful because kids and adults alike start to think of them and say them to themselves when the situation calls for it. That is exactly what has happened at my wife’s school. 

When Neely became the PE teacher at an elementary school this year, she put a lot of time into designing her gym, its heuristics, and its presentation. On one door she put, “You can do hard things!” — a saying that she got from the Peloton instructor, Jess Simms. Neely began using this saying with her students and it stuck. Before long, teachers noticed that kids of every grade were saying it to themselves and to one another in times when encouragement was needed. “You can do hard things'' is now the unofficial school motto. A large banner with this message has been hung by the entrance to the school.

Building Your Own Motto

In his transcendent book, The Culture Code, Dan Coyle talks about how almost every great organization has heuristics like these that serve to clarify priorities and name keystone behaviors. You see the same sort of aphorisms with great individuals. Here are some that Tony Robbins uses constantly:

• “Be a blessing and you will be blessed.”

• “People get rewarded in public for what they practice in private.”

• “Trade your expectations for appreciation and your whole world changes in an instant.”

I recently finished Jim Kwik’s amazing book, Limitless, which is also chock full of them: 

• “Reasons reap results.”

• “Repetition is the mother of learning.”

• “Knowledge doesn’t equal power. Knowledge x Action equals power.”

I imagine that if you look back on the people that most impacted you in your own life, you’ll find that many of them had personal sayings like these. But don’t just passively remember them. After all: Knowledge doesn’t equal power. Knowledge x Action equals power. 

In our temptation laden environment, greatness will not happen by accident. If you want to help your family live at a higher level and transcend the failed norms that plague most people, take the time today to clarify your own family motto. 

Feel free just to steal one of the ones above (I’m pretty sure half of them were stolen at some point, anyway). Or make your own. All you have to do is:

1. Clarify the the values that matter most

2. Identify the keystone behaviors that align with those values

3. Combine the two in a catchy family motto

You may also want to integrate your name into the saying, as Pastor Julian did with Hobdys don’t quit. By using his surname in his heuristic, he made it clear that being a Hobdy was much more than just an accident of birth. Being a Hobdy was something to be proud of because it came with an expectation to live differently.

Once you have a family motto, you can make it even more powerful by putting it on a poster and placing it prominently around the house. Or, get it printed on cups or shirts. 

Regardless, make a point of embedding these words deep into your family’s consciousness. You never know… one simple phrase could be the lighthouse that helps your kids find their way through some of life’s biggest challenges.

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Thank you for reading and sharing with anyone who would enjoy!

And don’t forget to DYBBAL!

Shane