A couple weeks ago, I went to my kids’ elementary school on a Friday morning to greet kids as they arrived. The doors to this school open at 7:30 am and by 7:25 there was a line of about 25 students waiting outside the back door. These kids stood in line talking, smiling, and laughing. Except for two.
At the end of the line, two kids had removed themselves from the group. They were the only two with smartphones. Empowered by their new devices, they’d decided to sit against the wall and scroll by themselves.
Last year, I spoke at a fifth and sixth grade center where the principal told a similar story. She had hosted a family game night in the fall with bounce houses, playground balls, Gaga Pits, and food trucks. But, to her horror, most kids just walked around all evening scrolling their phones or sitting with friends, while occasionally pointing to each other’s screens.
She decided to do another game night in the spring, but this time she advertised it as a no phones allowed event. According to her, it was dramatically different. Kids running, laughing, playing for hours. It was a smashing success.
Two similar events. Two very different outcomes.
To quote the legendary poem from Robert Frost:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Two Roads
The smartphone is an infinite technology. Insert it in any situation and you’ll see a radically different course of action—a radically different domino effect.
Make it available at an evening dinner and you’ll connect less with your spouse.
Make it available while you work and you’ll find it harder to focus and get into deep work.
And make it available to your adolescent and they’re far less likely to run, play, socialize, or behave in anything resembling normal child and adolescent behavior.
It is, also, a fantastic device. I use it regularly. When I’m good at maintaining my boundaries, it enhances my life by helping me digest great books and podcasts, tune my guitar, and much more.
But, without boundaries, it can just as easily ruin your life. Even the best kids aren’t ready or capable of handling this sort of technology, as they will tell you…
This week, The Free Press released two amazing articles that were written by high-schoolers. In each, a high school student discusses their own self-destructive experience with these supernormal devices. Please read them.
I was ten years old when I watched porn for the first time. I found myself on Pornhub, which I stumbled across by accident and returned to out of curiosity. The website has no age verification, no ID requirement, not even a prompt asking me if I was over 18. The site is easy to find, impossible to avoid, and has become a frequent rite of passage for kids my age.
Where was my mother? In the next room, making sure I was eating nine differently colored fruits and vegetables on the daily. She was attentive, nearly a helicopter parent, but I found online porn anyway. So did my friends.
Screen addictions like mine are a ubiquitous problem today. Excessive screen time is associated with ADHD, myopia (nearsightedness), and depression. Since the release of smartphones in 2005, the rate of Americans reporting symptoms of major depression increased by 52 percent. This is something I’ve witnessed firsthand in my peer group.
Many teens find it difficult to socialize with their peers in person, and instead rely on virtual interactions via Instagram and Snapchat. At many traditional high schools, no one stops to say hello in the hallways. Instead, the halls are filled with the tinny sound of AirPods blasting rap songs beneath the silence.
A Defining Choice
I can’t stress enough that two roads are diverging in the proverbial woods. Take the one less traveled. More importantly, help your kids take the one less traveled.
I’ve tackled a couple of big topics (I’ll link below) in the last few weeks and I plan to do more. This is work that I believe is important and I hope you do too.
Setting the Bar is a labor of love. I feel compelled to write these posts. But, it is also a tremendous investment of time. (It takes a lot of work for me to construct anything resembling a coherent thought.) If you feel like I offer enough value to warrant a paid subscription (only $5/month or $30/year!) it helps me justify my time and gives me the resources to do more (books, workbooks, video course projects).
Regardless, I’m very grateful that you took time from your busy life to read this today!
what a load of horseshit this entire substack is full of bullshit and conservative agenda