Parenting Truths Everyone Knew Until Yesterday
Timeless wisdom from John Wooden, evidence that supports a return to some traditional values, and the best way to influence young people.
Hello Bar-Setters,
I’ll begin with a short poem on parenting from the legendary John Wooden:
No written word
nor spoken plea
Can teach our youth
what they should be.
Nor all the books
on all the shelves.
It’s what the teachers
are themselves.
Source: Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court, by John Wooden and Steve Jamison
John Wooden, the iconic UCLA Men’s Basketball Coach from 1948 to 1975, is widely regarded as the greatest college basketball coach of all time. Under his leadership, UCLA won an astounding ten NCAA championships, including seven in a row. Yet, what made Coach Wooden truly remarkable wasn’t just his success on the court—it was his unwavering commitment to the fundamentals.
He built his life and career on the simple, time-tested principles we all know but often struggle to apply:
Work hard. Every day.
Strive to be your best. Every day.
Never lie, never cheat, never steal.
Don’t whine, don’t complain, don’t make excuses.
Take responsibility for yourself.
Honor your commitments—true meaning and deep connection only come from commitment and sacrifice.
It isn’t all about you. Build your life around serving something greater than yourself. As Jon Tyson says: “You get to be part of the story, but you are not the story.”
Learn as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.
These are not groundbreaking ideas. They are timeless truths. But instead of reinforcing them, much of today’s culture pushes the opposite message—telling young people that they are victims of unfair circumstances and that they deserve more support, that discipline is misery, that outcomes like grades and money are what matter most, that life can be challenging so you deserve to treat yourself, that commitments are oppressive, and that true freedom is doing whatever you want, whenever you want.
These messages lead not to fulfillment, but to failure and unhappiness.
Yet, for decades, we have been moving away from these enduring principles. The self-esteem movement and values clarification trends of the 1960s actively pushed youth culture away from them. As Amy Chua explains in The Triple Package:
“In the last half of the twentieth century, American culture declared war on both insecurity (read: standards) and impulse control, replacing them with an ever-increasing hunger for self-esteem and immediate gratification.”
But reality has a way of making itself known. Recent scholarship is now rediscovering the wisdom that was once common sense—or, as Douglas Murray puts it, “What we all knew until yesterday.”
What We All Knew Until Yesterday
In Bad Therapy, Abigail Shrier exposes the dangers of glorifying mental health disorders, interpreting every hardship as a symptom of pathology, and eroding the role of adult authority. She argues that while strong friendships and open conversations are vital, obsessing over our mental well-being—as pop culture and modern education often encourage—is actually bad for our mental health.
Louise Perry’s The Case Against the Sexual Revolution makes a compelling case that monogamous marriage is the most effective social technology ever created for fostering positive outcomes for both men and women. Marriage discourages dysfunctional male behavior, protects the economic interests of mothers, and provides a stable environment for raising children. This is further supported by Melissa Kearney’s The Two-Parent Privilege, which presents overwhelming evidence that growing up in a stable, two-parent home is one of the greatest advantages a child can have.
Rob Henderson’s Troubled examines the chaos of broken homes and how “luxury beliefs” promote socially destructive norms—norms that wealthier individuals often preach but neither practice nor suffer the consequences of.
Finally, Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation underscores the importance of exposing kids to real-world challenges. He argues that children must develop independence and self-responsibility at earlier ages, that they should experience both freedom and failure in the real world—not through screens—and that instead of introducing kids to digital life earlier, in a misguided attempt to prepare them for the needs of the future, we should actively limit social media and screen exposure well into high school. Or, as my grandpa used to tell me, “Turn off the boob-tube and go play outside. Too much TV will rot your brain.”
The Power of Example
Returning to the short John Wooden poem that introduced this musing…
Over the years, I’ve become convinced that what teachers say in the classroom and what parents tell their kids matters far less than we pretend. I have no idea how to find the hypotenuse of a triangle, but the professionalism, firmness, and consistency of my geometry teacher, which she balanced with humor and care, inspired me to double-down on my ACT prep and helped me become a decent student.
What truly matters is the example we set. The meta-lessons we teach through how we structure our classrooms, how we hold students accountable, and the values we model in every interaction.
Young people pick up on who we really are. They see whether we genuinely believe in discipline, persistence, and service. They notice whether we’re glued to our phones or engaged with the world around us. They notice when teachers don’t care about their subject or when they spend large chunks of instructional time out in the hall each day. They recognize whether we are about something bigger than ourselves, whether we are truly committed to our families, our health, and the values we claim to hold.
If there’s a problem with education or youth today, it likely begins with us. Which means the solution likely starts with us. We can all look to the example of Coach Wooden.
John Wooden didn’t just teach principles—he embodied them.
Thank you for reading and sharing with your kindred spirits!
Shane